Katrina Stonoff

Walking Wounded

I did not plan to start last week with this perspective. I was chatting with a writer friend on zoom, and ran to get some thing I wanted to show her.

“Ran” is the operative word.

IMG 9944Coming back, my foot caught on the leg of a chair, and I stumbled. I tried to grab the kitchen table, the island, another chair (which I knocked over), and the kitchen counter, but I was moving too fast and with too much momentum to stop. 

Lying on the floor, I knew I was in trouble. I could not move my right arm. The tiniest movement had me shrieking in pain. I tried to get off the floor repeatedly, but it was useless.

Eventually I gave up and called 911 on my cell phone. When they got me to my feet, I found I couldn’t walk. I was sure I had broken my foot and my big toe. So when the hunky firefighters offered me a limo ride to the emergency room, I took them up on it.

Of course, this happened when Mars was in Anchorage. 

The short version is that I broke my arm, right at the base of the knob where the humerus fits into the shoulder pocket. The knob itself is also cracked.IMG 9945

My big toe is not broken. It turns out I have some weird genetic malformation where a bone at the base of my big toe that is supposed to be one piece is four separate pieces, and in my fall I separated the pieces. I had a very impressive dark blue line straight across the toe though. I have also torn my plantar fascia, the ligament that attaches the heel to the ball of the foot.

So for a month I will be wearing a shoulder immobilizer and a boot, both on my right side. My dominant side. Of course.

I write like a first grader with my left hand. And you should see me crab walk up the stairs. We only have banisters on the right side, and I am far too unstable to walk up stairs without hanging clinging to the banister. 

Turns out you need two hands to do a great many every day activities. Like spread toothpaste on a toothbrush. Or take a shower. Or pull up your panties after you urinate. Yeah, it’s going to be an interesting month.

Thank heavens Apple has a decent voice to text app.

Categories: Oops!