Katrina Stonoff

3 Things to Avoid When You Have Covid

Consider this your quasi-daily PSA. Trust me, your life will be easier if you follow these three simple steps.

Tip #1: Don’t have a 15-year-old lap dog with an intestinal bug.

This is, by far, the most important tip. Especially if she sleeps with you. Even if you only have to wash your bedding once, nobody wants to change sheets at 4 a.m.

IMG 9792bTo avoid having to wash your bedding every few hours, while sick, I strongly recommend you have a few of these on hand: Wee-Wee® Disposable Diapers.

Actually, if you have a senior dog, I’d lay in a stock of them. 

Notable features of the Wee-Wee® Disposable Diaper include “Comfort Flex-Fit” and “Repositionable Fasteners,” both of which I can attest do work. This is the only diaper our miniature dachshund was unable to wiggle off her bum.

IMG 9794I cannot attest to whether or not the “Fashion Paws Wetness Indicator” works because I never noticed it. The Scent Indicator and Brown Stain Indicator (visible from the outside) were more than adequate.

This is the third brand we’ve tried because old girls sometimes have incontinence issues, but the other two leaked. Wee-Wee® diapers, I am thrilled to announce, do not leak, probably because of the “Foam-Fit Tail Hole” (see photo).

I cannot promise that your dog will not be shamed by having to wear diapers, but I can promise she will appreciate not being booted from your bed. And you will rest much more easily and recover much more quickly if she’s not howling from loneliness, downstairs in her crate.

Tip #2: Don’t allow the water system in your house to give out.

If you have failed to follow Tip #1, then Tip #2 is critical! You do not want to skip Tip #2. I cannot emphasize this enough.

If you overlook Tip #2, you will be unable to wash your bedding even once. The washer will simply stall out halfway through its cycle. 

Even worse, you will be unable to wash your dog. If you live in a temperate climate, this may not be an issue. You can throw the dog into the backyard and let her howl. But if you live in the Far North, where even on a warm day, it’s twelve degrees Fahrenheit (minus eleven Celsius), those howls will attract your neighbors to call animal control, and you could face charges of animal neglect. Trust me, that is not something you want to deal with while recovering from Covid. 

If you have a cast iron stomach and trust your Wee-Wee® Disposable diapers, you could, I suppose, just let her snuggle up to you in bed, in her dirty diaper, and leave the mess for someone else. But I should warn you that Covid-19 can come with nausea and vomiting. And while it is certainly not easy to wash a stinky dog with a queasy stomach, snuggling up to her is even more difficult.

Worst of all, no plumber will be willing to come into your house to fix your water system when you are in isolation with Covid-19. 

Now, if you have a very, very clever husband, he can look at the super intimidating water filtration system and discover the filter just needs to be changed. And if you are also very, very lucky (and you have suitably trained said husband to stock up on critical items), you will have an extra filter. And …voila! You can bathe the dog again, assuming you can crawl out of your deathbed, despite the extreme fatigue.

But I advise you not to count on luck and clever husbands. It’s much easier to avoid the issue in the first place by following Helpful Tip #2.

Tip #3: Do Not Schedule a 5-Day, intensive writing webinar during your recovery.

Especially do not schedule one that starts at 5:30 am your time. 

Again, trust me on this one. It appears that the most prevalent symptoms of the Omicron variant of Covid-19 are fever and extreme fatigue. Even after your other symptoms clear, you will tire very easily.

I cannot stress this enough. You will go downstairs, still in your pajamas, and eat the breakfast your sweet and clever husband left for you (you lucky girl!), and that will be all you can do.

Seriously. You’ll do well to make it back to the bed before you collapse for hours.

So ignore Helpful Tip #3 at your peril!

If you stubbornly refuse to accept my helpful advice, all I can say is…I wish you luck. And clever husbands. And snuggly dogs. And a quick and full recovery.

To help with said recovery, here is the creature snuggling with me in my death bed. Yeah, she’s worth bathing, even when I’m struggling with Covid fatigue.IMG 9106

NOTES:

  1. The author of this post was not paid for product placement, but if the makers of Wee-Wee® Disposable Diapers happen upon this endorsement, the author would cheerfully accept a case of Wee-Wee® Disposable Diapers, size small, as a show of gratitude. Please send Next Day Air.
  2. No animals were harmed (nor neglected) in the creation of this post. Other than the pitiful author who had to rise from her deathbed to bathe and comfort the poor, spoiled (and soiled) little dog.
  3. Can you tell the author gets a little giggle out of saying “Wee-Wee® Disposable Diapers?”
Categories: Corona Virus Humor

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